Intimate with myself: trust.

{Intimate with myself is a monthly segment where I share insights and revelations of my personal experiences, from the conversations of my inner critic to the sensations in my body and everything in between.}


Photo Credit: Tasya Van Ree

The invisible veil between us lifted.
We were eye to eye.
Silence filled the room as we penetrated each others soul.
And that’s all it took.

The room went from vibin’ purples and blues to pulsating a hot orange.
Somehow we went from here to there.
From clothes on, to clothes off.
From being two, to being one.

But as her fingers slowly lingered down to my sweet spot, like they had done many times before, I was hit with a subtle ‘off’ feeling.

A deep breath of curiosity hit me with a truth bomb:  she’s been with someone else.

My body tensed.
My brow frowned.
My back arched.
Then my inner critic told me  I was being paranoid.

Another deep breath of curiosity hit me with another truth bomb: and I know who.

My body tensed harder.
My brow frowned stronger.
My back arched higher.
Then my inner critic roared even louder, “Stop being soooo paranoid!”.

But I needed to know.

Was I really being paranoid?
Or was my intuition onto something?

So I asked without asking.
And while her words said one thing, her energy said another.

I was right.
But on this rare occasion in my life, I sooooo wanted to be wrong.

Trusting the body’s egoless wisdom in present time, over the inner critics nonsense, takes practice.  Lots and lots of practice.

But once you know your body’s egoless wisdom,  and I mean really know it, you’ll trust it without needing confirmation.  That’s because your body never ever lies…not in present time.

So be more curious and more intimate with the language of sensation so you can truly understand it.  And more importantly, so you can truly trust it.

This was the gift I gave myself the day I turned twenty-nine.

9 Comments | Add Comment
  1. Jasmine says:

    Wooooah … and awwwww :( You are an amazing writer – I loved this XO

  2. Kylie says:

    So powerful, Susana

  3. Cora says:

    Thanks for sharing this beautiful and raw experience. I was reading an article today about yoga teachers, and cues that we should not give to our students. One cue that the author suggested we stop giving “Listen to your body”. It didn’t sit right with me, as my body always tells me whats what. I am glad to hear I’m not

  4. SJ says:

    Sending lots of love to you. You have been in my thoughts a lot in the past few weeks x x x

  5. Such poetic wisdom. All I can say is “thank you” for writing this.

  6. Kate says:

    Wow. This absolutely floored me. Thank you.