From breakdown to breakthrough, what was this moment for you?  The defining moment that changed e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.  

I have had oh, so many moments, big ones. But I would have to say the biggest was the moment I decided to let go of an empty marriage and an empty religion and all my “security” and all my everything and just free-fall into freedom. I knew I had to do it or die inside, as I had been over the years, slowly…and despite epic opposition from many “friends” (who felt that I was being selfish, or must have been on drugs or gone off my nut or ben possessed by the devil, who knows…).

I let go of everything everyone ever told me I had to be and just stripped down to my soul. Embraced the unknown. Faced myself. Left my home, got a divorce, lived on my mom’s couch for two months, did not eat or sleep or smile for months. Had no job, went from stay-at-home mom, avid church-goer, wife of almost ten years to penniless, shut out of my own bank account, car broke down, ex husband and in-laws conniving to keep my children from me at every turn.

The deepest, darkest depths. Questioning everything I had done and was doing…. and you know what I found?

Strength. And LOVE. So. Much. Love. Love for my children – fierce love. Love for life, for creativity, for MYSELF, for everyone around me. I found I could breathe on my own, without a book, or a small minded man from a pulpit telling me how.  Just Love. I found that I was made of stardust and strength, music and madness, and love love and more love.  

I am so thankful to have a life free to live this love in every way now. Through my art, my music, my cooking, my friendships, my poetry my be-ing.  I have never looked back.

What has been the most challenging thing to let go of so you could put yourself first (be it your health or your desires or your inner wisdom)?  And what helped you let it go?

My guilt.

I had to learn how to be “selfish”, and let go of all guilt. I was wasting away (physically, spiritually, emotionally) and I realized if I was going to be ANY good to anyone else, ESPECIALLY my two amazing children, I would need to learn to nurture myself, to feed my soul, without apology, before I could be of any use to my children, my love, my friends, the world.

In doing so, I had to let go of a lot of pretenses, a lot of religious conditioning, a lot of abusive bullshit put into my head that I was not good enough and undeserving of love and care. I realized that I would NEVER let anyone speak to my children the way I was spoken to, or learned to speak to myself. So I stopped. And every day is a challenge to keep that new, strong voice clear, but it is a choice I make. For me. For them. For you.

I have surrounded my heart with beautiful souls who fill me with the light and love i need to keep myself looking up and moving forward, people who always cheer me on. My love is one such soul. Grateful every day to be in love with and loved by such a good and wonderful heart as my Gabe, my friends (faraway, and near). I love you all.

Why do you do what you do?

Because I am a story-teller. Because I want to change the way people view life. I want them to stop the 9-5, the rat race, to look up, look around, look within and see the little things that make our existence so incredibly magical.

I have always been a little different. A little weird. A little (ok, a LOT) awkward. Head always in the clouds. And I just feel the need to share that different perspective with anyone who has a heart open and ready to see and hear and feel a new way of being, through photography, music, writing.

I do what I do because it just happens. Because I live all of me, out loud, all the time. Because I do what I want. And I wish everyone would.

What’s one of your favourite photographs that you’ve taken? And why?

Mmm that is tough. My photos all tell so many differing stories, and I love them all, for the moments they captured for me.

I will say, this one particular photo, holds a very special kind of magic, and I return to it often. It is not a great photo.  It will never win any awards for the technicality behind it – for there was none. It is out of focus, all a blur, but it holds so much emotion for me.

It tells the story of shadow and light and motion and stillness all at once. A wordless homage to the contrast between day and night, heart and mind, desire and choice.  I call it “movement in shadow”.

When it comes to capturing the moment with the camera, what advice are you always giving?

Light. Use. Natural. Light. When you photograph something, you are not capturing an object, you are capturing light. Embrace the light.