“This session makes me want to go and have some sex,”  I said to my coach.

“Well, you’re sort of having it now,” she replied.

We erupted into a wild laughter.  Neither one of us anticipated the session to unfold this way.

I had just felt myself totally surrender into my feminine essence and as a result, was penetrated by the masculine. This then led to an energy running up and down my spine (also known as kundalini energy) that had me feel supported in ways that I hadn’t ever felt before.

And all I had to do was radiate.

---

 

45 mins earlier:

“I don’t know what it’s like to be taken care of in this way…without any expectations, without any rules, without any strings attached, without any romantic involvement. I’ve never experienced this before.”

This realisation was met with a wave of hot energy rising from my chest that got stuck in the base of my throat. Tears started to flow down my cheeks.

“What do the tears want?” she gently asked me.

“To grieve. I haven’t had this before and something in me is really sad about this.  It feels old…really ancient.”  

Then I was struck with a vision: I’m a maid. I’m surrounded by abundance but it’s not mine and I don’t ever get to enjoy it. Instead, I’m here serving everyone else, working my ass off, watching everyone else enjoy it.  It feels very cinderella like. I’m promised all this amazingness but I have to work my ass off for it. Except, it doesn’t matter what I do, I never get to enjoy it.

I stay with the sadness and grieve the part of me that never had a chance to experience the abundance but wish she did.

Soon the constriction eases and the energy that was stuck in the base of my throat dissolves.  My heart also feels softer.

“Now, with this soft heart, think of being with these guys. Who are you now?” she inquired.

“I’m leaning back in a chair laughing. I feel grateful. There’s so much love here. Divine love. I’m relaxed. My eyes are so sparkly. I’m open. I feel so radiant.”

Another wave of hot energy moves through me. It hits me that in order to have this level of radiance I need a man.

My inner critic activates:

you don’t need a man;

you don’t need anyone;

you’re an independant woman;

you can do this on your own;

you must do this on your own.

My coach reminds me that even though the vision is of a man, it may be symbolic of the masculine. And with that insight, I interrupt my inner critics banter by bringing my focus back to the vision in my minds eye and the sensations in my body.

“I can see and feel how that level of radiance requires trust. The way I’m leaning back in the chair feeling fully supported…I don’t know what that’s like.”

More tears flow.

“I can see and feel that there’s no effort here. There’s nothing to do. I don’t have to do anything. I don’t have to make it happen. I don’t even need to entertain. NOTHING! I’m just radiating. And it’s enough.”

She mirrors back to me the truth, “Radiance alone is enough hey?”.

I notice the center of my chest is hot.
I’m burning open.
I feel alive.
Ignited.
There’s so much love here.

I breathe it in.

My shoulders roll back and soften. I like it here. I tell my coach I want to stay here a little longer.

And I do.

I give myself full permission to really feel this kind of radiance and remind myself that it’s safe.  I welcome more of it, expanding my capacity to embody this level of radiance.

I breathe into it deeply, savouring every sensation.

After a few moments of silence, she asks, “Any other images come forward for you?”

I start to giggle.
I wonder if she noticed the shift in energy.

“Yes. I was reminded of this vision from our last session where I was carried by the light.
Then I quickly saw myself back in the chair feeling all relaxed and radiant.
Then I heard the word OPEN.
And with that, I received a vision of my legs opening and being penetrated by the masculine.”

In this vision, the masculine simply showed up as an energy (not a person). It looked like a line.  It felt linear, intense, focused.

Meanwhile, my energy felt like quicksand, soft, full and capable of devouring anything that dared to enter.

And then it hit me.

The masculine wants me to radiate…needs me to radiate.
The masculine wants me to open…needs me to open.
The masculine wants me to surrender…needs me to surrender.

The masculine is aching to penetrate the feminine, to serve the feminine, to be enveloped by the feminine. It’s his purpose. It’s what he’s born to do.

But in order to do this, a woman must drop out of her masculine and fully surrender to her feminine.  She has to make space for him to show up fully. He needs the polarity just as much as she does.

So ladies, it’s time you radiate. The kind of radiance that comes from surrendering and opening and allowing yourself to be served so you can receive all the love and joy and abundance this beautiful world is aching to give to you.

Let me say this one more time: Radiate. There’s nothing else for you to do.