HOT WOMEN TO WATCH is a monthly feature where I put the spotlight on one powerful and soulful woman whose work I’m appreciating and cheering on because something tells me this is just the beginning.
Photo Credit: Om Rupani
She’s an erotic writer whose work is regularly featured on Elephant Journal and The Good Men Project.
She is currently deep in the throes of publishing her first book From 6 to 9 and Beyond: Widening the Lens of Feminine Eroticism.
She received her sexuality coaching training at OneTaste and now teaches the practice of Orgasmic Meditation.
She is also a graduate from NYU’s Tisch School of Arts and is the co-founder of NYC’s award-winning Flux Theatre Ensemble.
And she is a recovering anorexic and former yoga teacher.
Today’s HOT WOMAN TO WATCH is Candice Holdorf, a dynamic and extraordinary woman from San Francisco who is passionate about helping people delve into the taboo places in their lives, whether it be through her coaching or her art.
I discovered Candice less than two months ago when one of my Facebook friends shared an article published on Elephant Journal called Why I don’t fuck spiritual guys. I felt like she articulated so much of what I was feeling after a recent D&M with a male yoga teacher I had only just met the day before.
As I delved deeper into her writings and read about her upcoming book I just knew I needed to get in touch with her. But when I went to add her on Facebook, I already had a friend request waiting from her. From when? Who knows. But I was intrigued even more that this sexual, erotic powerhouse of a woman had tried connecting with me many months ago but I was not open (or ready) to welcome her into my life…until now.
May her journey awaken, inspire and ignite you sensually, sexually and erotically.
Introducing Candice Holdorf….
{Lets go deep and meaningful}
From breakdown to breakthrough, what was this moment for you? The defining moment that changed e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.
Not to sound all “Eat, Pray, Love,” but my breakdown happened at 3 in the morning in a bathroom in Jerusalem. I had been married for nearly 6 years and battling anorexia for 7. I just hit this point where I FUCKING COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I was exhausted from hating myself. I was exhausted from pretending to be happy in my relationship. I was exhausted from living a life afraid of sex. I realized in that moment, in that city that was pulsing and vibrating with God, that I had all this orgasm inside my body and I had NO IDEA HOW OR WITH WHOM TO SHARE IT.
My ex-husband, as loving and committed as he was, was NOT the man for me. My life was not the life for me. And it fucking scared me. I shivered and quaked in silence on that bathroom floor for hours, until the roosters and Muezzin called the sleeping sun awake.
I spent the next three months in despair. Quietly crying, unsure of what to do but oh-so-frighteningly sure of what was being called of me.
I left the relationship at the end of 2008 (bouncing around friends’ apartments for 6 weeks) and declared 2009 my “Year of Fear.” I wrote down all the things of which I was afraid and did them because I knew on the other side of that fear was my desire and courage.
In 2010, I discovered the practice of Orgasmic Meditation (OM) and began coaching people in OM and sexuality. My artistic expression moved from performing to writing and now, 4 years later, I am working on my first book and married to a man who is absolutely my soul partner on this wild journey of life.
What has been the most challenging thing to let go of so you could put yourself first (be it your health or your desires or your inner wisdom)? And what helped you let it go?
Haha—I don’t know if I have FULLY let is go, but there is a profound perfectionist in me as well as a “good girl.” I want people to like me! I don’t want to offend. I simply want people to understand my point of view, just as I easily empathize with others’. BUUUUUUUUUT, the way our society is, if you are a woman with a voice, you are going to piss people off. Period. Because the only way not to step on people’s toes is never to leave the house. And, well, FUCK THAT!
Yes, I am quite a perfectionist with my art, and yet, sometimes, the best ideas come from the sloppy and spontaneous mistakes! So, I have confronted the shadow of my perfectionist and see that she is the keeper of integrity and boundaries, which are very healthy and important things.The same goes for the good girl: she gives the gift of attractiveness, approachability, trustworthiness and compassion.
So I don’t know that I’ve let anything go—I’ve just learned to work with these pieces so that they serve me, rather than enslave me. I’ve written an article about Being a Good Girl vs. Being a Good Woman, which delves into some specific points on how to incorporate the positive aspects of “Good Girl-dom” into a more mature expression.
What is “From 6 to 9 and beyond: widening the Lens of Feminine Eroticism” all about? And why does this work matter?
Candice embodying the 6 feminine archetypes: The Warrior, The Grandmother, The Virgin, The Nun, The Whore and The Queen.
Photo credit: Sequoia Emmanuelle
“From 6 to 9” shares the erotic awakening of 6 feminine archetypes using fiction, poetry and photography by Sequoia Emmanuelle. The fictional stories include pieces of my own erotic awakening. However, I didn’t want to write the stories in first person because I wanted to separate myself from the experience. This way, when readers view these characters through the lens of archetypes, they see a piece of themselves in the stories and will (hopefully) be invited to begin their own journey of erotic awakening.
This work matters because most of us have divorced our everyday lives from the erotic. We tend to think of the erotic as something that only happens in sex—and while sex is a good MODEL for the erotic, it is not the only place where it lives. I think of Eros (root word of erotic) as a living, breathing life-force that births every moment. It connects us to our creativity, joy and divinity. It is, in its purest essence, a feminine force that has been shunned, beaten and battered for millennia.
My belief is the more we bring the feminine voice of erotic power back into every day life, the more we will find our inherent purpose and pleasure, which are our birthrights!
When it comes to love and sex, what advice are you always giving people?
TELL THE TRUTH. TELL THE TRUTH. TELL THE TRUTH. Really. The truth is the biggest turn-on. Not what you are wearing, not screaming like a porn star, not the 33 cock-sucking techniques that are going to blow his mind. The truth. Your authentic desire and turn-on are exactly what your lovers are looking for.
All the fuzzy static and resistance that sit on top of feeling the abundance of orgasm within are all the times we have LIED about who we are and what we wanted. Sometimes, you have to say “I feel pissed that you forgot to take out the garbage” before you can actually feel another person.
Or if you are wanting your partner to slowly eat your pussy, but all he’s doing is ramming away at you with his cock, you gotta speak up! You can be loving about it. Say “Hey, thanks for putting attention on me. What would really turn me on is “fill-in-the-blank.””
And if you don’t know what you want (like so many of us 95% of the time) then just admit it! Sit in presence and connection until the next right thing arises. When we work from a place of truth, we no longer have to hide, armor or posture ourselves and then we can FEEL MORE of ourselves and each other.
What books are you always telling people to read?
The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz (Relationships)
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodren (Getting through difficult transition)
Appetites by Caroline Knapp (Eating Disorders)
Slow Sex by Nicole Daedone (learning about OM)
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (Relationships)
What music are you currently listening to?
Phutureprimitive and Alia are my favorite west coast electronic DJ’s (I go to Burning Man a lot!). Florence + The Machine always gets my orgasm flowing. Portishead and Lovage for some SERIOUS sexy time. And can we just say that Beyonce is the queen of the world?? (Susana’s note: yes we can!!)
When do you feel most powerful, free, alive & turned on?
When I am in my pleasure and fully expressed. Oftentimes, when I am writing or speaking about my passions. When I am onstage or in front of the camera working with a great script. When I am laughing with my husband (we crack each other up!). When I am traveling. When I am sitting in peace and silence. When I feel the exquisite attention of my Beloved—when he knows my every desire and delights in giving me exactly what I want.
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear: WOMAN?
A multi-faceted being of tremendous power and deep compassion. A mystery that births and destroys and constantly molds and shapes all of creation. A force of healing. She is you. She is me. She is all of us.
You can read my poem about WOMAN here.
{Now for the short and sweet…}
I’m interested in…living an orgasmic life that fulfills and expands me and leading others through example.
I believe…gratitude is the antidote to boredom, resentment and bitterness.
I no longer…choose relationships that drain me.
I desire…more. And more. And more…
In my experience…letting go is one of the biggest gifts of healing we can give ourselves.
In 2014…I’m cleaning house, staying connected to my prayer, planting roots and earning an income that reflects my true worth.
Connect with Candice here:
Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Youtube
PS. On May 14, Candice will be launching a 30-day campaign to raise $15,000 for her upcoming book, “From 6 to 9 and Beyond: Widening the Lens of Feminine Eroticism.” Based on your level of donation, you can pre-order your copy, receive photographs of the archetypes, get a massage or spend the day with her in San Francisco! Click here for details.
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