Infidelity.
Unfaithfulness.
Adultery.
Cheating.
Many people do it but not many people talk about it.
In today’s podcast episode I am answering the following question I recently received on this topic:
“When one has been unfaithful and subsequently made the decision to stay in the relationship and not to share (and feels good about this decision), what really needs to be examined? Yourself, desires, the relationship, the other person…where to start!?
If the infidelity has absolutely 100% enhanced the partnership (without telling the partner – just by shifting a few things personally) where to then? Can you REALLY keep it to yourself, forgive yourself and move on together in the long term?”
Click play below (17mins)
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If you’d love to join in on the conversation simply comment below.
Big Love
Hello Susana,
Many years ago I was in a relationship in which I was the lover. I knew both members of a couple and I was working during summer with the woman, 12 years older than me. She was having problems with her partner, they were not sure about what was going to be their future, …
Before anything happened, we made it clear that nothing was going to happen between us, but, as we know, love has no boundaries and in November she told me that she needed me. We started a hidden relationship being in different cities (I was studying in Barcelona and she was in Ibiza, living and sleeping naked with her official boyfriend) and, until the next summer, we only saw each other during the Christmas and Easter holidays.
During summer, we worked together again and we saw each other twice or three times a week, without anybody knowing it, at my flat or her home.
The relationship ended by the end of September, because she realised that what had happened between us was unfair to her official partner.
Nowadays they still are together, they have a lovely daughter and I visit them once a month, approximately.
From my point of view, I took profit of the situation, because I knew she was in a relationship. Nevertheless, some of my friends, to whom I explained my story, believe that it was not my fault and she was the guilty person.
As far as her decision is concerned, I know that anything wouldn’t have happened if she had had a great relationship with her boyfriend during that year.
Personally speaking, I have never asked her if she explained our adventure to him or if he already knows it. In my view, he still does not know it. In case he did, maybe he would have already killed me because he could have considered that I had betrayed his confidence and that I had been hiding it for years.
Finally, I have seen that people can continue with their life after having cheated their partners (I know other cases), but I believe that you must try to think in your relationship (being sincere and explaining everything), so you can allow your partner to make the decision of being with you or ending the relationship. Moreover, you should not lie to yourself; just follow your heart desires and go with the flow.
Susan,
Great train of thought.
If I may summarize:
Crash around for while to figure out who you are and how you relate to people. In the mean time be honest about how available you are for deep intimacy and truth.
Start to find your truth. In doing so develop you own reality and stop trying to defend it all the time. Believe in yourself and prove it with you actions.
Find a lover that shares a good part of your reality. Decide to be in the world as a couple in the name of doing inner work that can only be done in relationship.
Honor and cherish that with you truth and commitment to fight for it. To know it can’t be easy because of the trust that is required to share your inner gifts.
Learn to create a safe container for that relationship by controlling you impulses to feed you outdated ego. You are now assending to a new level of embodiment and expression.
Through the act of commitment to this relationship, to your truth, to your wild nature, the relationship will set you free. Free because you know how to make good choices for yourself, for your woman, for your family and for the world.
Chris Hoffmann